so here it is!
I’m about to watch “Avatar” on blu-ray and I wish it was real. I mean, a real place to go and re-discover yourself. But it’s not. So I’m gonna sit in Hoo-vah and do it. That is, re-discover myself.
And btw, if you didn’t know yourself to begin with, how do you RE-discover? discuss amongst yourselves.
Both my kids are beginning new schools for 2010-2011. Which means I’ve been to some meetings, filled out some paperwork and made some decisions that I hope are right. Time will tell.
Autoimmune update: I went down a .5 milligram on my prednisone today. Amazing what that will do to ya. I am completely agitated. Not that you needed to know that. I don’t recommend steroids for stablizing your emotions, but, it will however, control the amount of inflammation in your body so you can function. Gluten free – the way to be. At least for those of us with mental disorders in our genetic history. More on that later.
Posted by Shelley on Apr 15, 2010 in
Mental Illness,
Uncensored Shelley One year ago a series of events led me to my first counseling session. I believe God is an on time God. My counseling needed to happen sooner but instead the one who made me, the one who has the best plan, the one who holds my past, present and future in His hand gave me a reason to go last April. Only a short year ago.
I could tell there were mental processes I had that were not “normal”. And I know, “normal” is simply a setting on a washing machine. But since October of 2008 events were beginning to weave the golden thread that only an omniscient God could sew together. The time had come. The time was now. Shelley Shaw, won’t you please go now (to counseling that is)! You might recognize the rhyme from the Dr. Suess book, Marvin K. Mooney.
It is not necessary for me to blog about circumstances that brought me to that point. I can tell you however that many, many things were beginning to connect. For instance, my childhood long lost friends contacted me on FaceBook. In sequential order. Folks that I thought didn’t matter anymore all of a sudden became top of mind. I found very old diaries, completely on accident. But they became the love letters I had written to myself since the time I was 6 years old and they gave me a picture of why I was the way I was. His loving kindness was ever present. God’s fingerprints were all over my life.
My counselor led me to a book entitled, Changes That Heal: How to Understand your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future. It is a book that set me on a path that was going to become very important by last August. Less than 250 days ago.
My past? Kinda normal. I mean, I guess. When you grow up one way you really don’t know that other ways exist. Right? Until you meet other people, possibly have children and begin a family of your own. There is just not enough blog space to explain how my “roadmap” had been messed up. It still is for that matter. All I can say is something told me to stop passing on the issues. To many, especially Christian believers, this is called “generational bondage”. And I knew it existed in my life but didn’t know what to do about it.
The book is excellent and I highly recommend it. The counselor told me, “The first part of this book is probably not what you need but the second part will get you where you want to be.” The first part of the book addressed bonding. The second part addressed boundaries. And I can honestly say the ENTIRE book was spot on what I needed. Not just one chapter. Not just one paragraph. But the whole book.
You are now officially welcome to join my club, called the “bonding and boundary issues club”. This is not about a mental state. It is not about what color you are, how much money you make or if you have a college ed-u-ma-ca-tion. It is about living in a broken world, accepting it for what it is and figuring out how to make the best of it. Basically, it is not about blaming someone else for your issues. The time has come. The time is now. Grace and acceptance won’t you please come now?
Posted by Shelley on Apr 8, 2010 in
Real Life Stories Originally written on April 10th of last year, here are my thoughts on spending a day at Augusta National. This was day one of the Masters Golf Tourney, 2009.
I never got around to posting it…well…for a lot of reasons…I brought Dad a Master’s golf shirt back from the trip. It was a big deal for me to give it to him. I won’t ever forget that. It was associated with a good memory of my Dad and those are few and far between. Just a short 360 something days ago.
But here it is today. So glad I wrote these things down, too much has happened since last year to remember it all. The significance of a weblog strikes again.
The first thing I noticed was the wooden log bench at each hole, right where everyone would tee off. At every bench there was an igloo cooler. The bench was a lincoln log bench, like it was an original, made years ago. And it probably was. Next I noticed 2 pieces of wood about 8-10 feet away from where you would tee off. And they looked really old too. The “tradition” of the Masters is a strong one, with no digital scoring – the leaderboard is WAY OLD FASHIONED, no advertisements anywhere to speak of and the fact that many people I was hanging out with that day were generational members of a golf mecca that most people only get to see on TV.
I realized then that I was looking at a moment in time that was in every way, trying not to change, year to year.
next was the quietness of a crowd
the beauty of the place
the tradition
the respect
the what the heck am I doing here?
the sounds of the planes above
the hospitality cottage
the restrooms, complete with travel toothbrushes (just in case)
the no phone/camera rule
the irony of us being at an event with a media/technical “blackout” on Mike’s birthday
and I ate a bunch of peanut m&m’s