Two Birthdays, One Anniversary and A Funeral

By 7pm tonight all I really wanted to do was stare at one blank spot on a big white wall. Alone. In the quiet of nothingness. Maybe this computer screen counts? Don’t I wish!

In the past four weeks we’ve celebrated an anniversary (11 years) and two birthdays. One of which involved a spend the night party and lots of planning (no, it wasn’t Mike’s). And of course Easter. I mean, I’ve bought and eaten my way thru the last four weekends like it was going out of style. Then to add to the celebrations we also had a major downer. Our twelve year old cat died. We just knew we were missing her the past couple of days and didn’t discover it til this morning. She was known as Jackie the Cat and you can actually see and learn more about her over at www.mikeshaw.net.

It’s amazing how quickly I went from present to past tense. And since we really don’t know what happened I’m sort of stuck in that feeling us mothers get… like, I should’ve been there. What could I have done? What did I not do? She was a gift to me from Mike around the time I graduated from Auburn. Which of course made her our first “child” to a degree. Honestly though, when the real Shaw children showed up on the scene both my cats took a major back seat. I mean, they want to be in your lap, and I become enormous when pregnant and I just can’t handle another being wanting to be in my pregnant space. Then, when the babies get here and you nurse… well, you know how that goes, I didn’t want much of anything even touching me for a long time! So, here I go, realizing the separation that developed over the course of the last seven years is something I can’t recoup now.

After Mike had the heartbreaking duty of burying her we talked about it on and off all day and I imagine we will for a while. A part of our youth went away today. And all I wanted was a few minutes to grieve about it. That has truly been the hardest part. To remain on task in the present but wanting to remember the past and not fall apart about it… Where is that blank wall??? (oh, we all know the answer to that one, the bathroom, right girls?)

About Shelley

Live well Laugh often Love much
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One Response to Two Birthdays, One Anniversary and A Funeral

  1. connie buffkin says:

    Dear Shelley and family,

    I am so sorry about the loss of Jackie the Cat. Pets are such a big part of family. We have just had a similar experience. Sugar, our 13 year old white chow get out a couple of weekends ago during the very bad storm we had. We got up in the middle of the night and called her to come in; she had somehow gone under the fence in the back (much to the dismay of Gene and myself).. She must have lost her scent; we looked for her for two days, calling all the vets and emergency centers, posting flyers, etc. The vet at Met Vet said he had seen a white chow on Tyler Road on that Sunday and so my husband practically flew to see if he could locate her. He called me crying like a little child. She had been hit by a car; but no physical injuries; just internal. Just like you, she was a gift to Brandi (daughter) from Jason (her husband) when she went to Auburn in 1992. But she became Gene’s and mine because she couldn’t go to AU. When Brandi graduated from Pharmacy School, we told her we could not bear to let her move away from us. And so it goes. There have been a lot of tears shed in this home in the past several months; but I look to God everyday for the grace to go forward.

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