I think I missed this class. Maybe taking 6 weeks of home-ec in 6th grade just wasn’t enough. I had other things to do, places to go, friends to see… even still you could take an entire home economics class by the time highschool rolled around and where was I? To be honest, it looked like fun but didn’t that stuff come naturally? I had a good amount of estrogen, surely it wasn’t that hard or no one would do it (ha)!
So, me and a friend of mine have a theory on this. If the truth really got out on this motherhood thing the human race would cease to exist and of course, we know, that is not an option. In other words, where in the job description did it say “the ability to avoid mental breakdowns between May and August is neccessary for success in this position”? I mean, do they teach remedial motherhood classes????
Okay, enough of that, on to what got me thinking (or maybe not thinking) that insanity is a mere breath away. There are few low moments in motherhood but forgeting the toothfairy is among them. There she is smiling, a huge grin, showing me the gaping hole in her mouth. “Mom, did you forget I left my tooth out last night?” says my sweet daughter. Oh me, well, yes I did. But that is nothing compared to what I put my toddler through just an hour later. We are at the gas station, paying $3 a gallon and I think, sure I’ll spend a few more bucks to get the car washed. We have driven around the Birmingham metro area with smiley faces painted in the dust of the black SUV most of the summer. Moments later my son absolutely thinks we are are being eaten alive in the gas station car wash. Of course he thinks that, now why didn’t I think of it??? He is screaming, I mean to the tune of numereous decibals. What do you do when you are literally trapped in there? I can’t drive forward…. I just climb to the backseat reassuring we will come out alive. Deaf, but alive.
We drive out and he looks at me and says, “I did it”. Whew, yes we did. We got home, somehow I remembered to pick up Melodi from VBS and after unloading groceries and catching my breath my oldest says, “Mom, Canon has just set off your car alarm…” she is not moving, it doesn’t occur to her to grab the car keys and maybe just press a button to get it to stop. Which makes me think, how long has it been going off? Maybe just a little longer and someone may actually show up to help! Now there’s an idea!
Mothers everywhere need that button, the “I”ve fallen and I can’t get up” button for someone, like Superman, to step and I say, “It’s okay Mrs. Shaw. Everything here is under control…” Well, Melodi has just announced there is a very bad diaper situation which means duty calls. I’m glad she is around to give a play by play of my day, every mother needs to be reminded she is needed. Where are my car keys???