My Story – Part I

I want so much for other people to benefit from the trauma my family has witnessed.

If you think you are suffering from mental illness or if there is a history of it in your family of origin please don’t be ashamed and get some help.  It’s like cancer.  You don’t just sit there and wonder, “do I have cancer?”  You go to the doctor and find out.  If you do have it, you do something about it.  At least get informed.  If not for yourself, do it for those who love you.

However, what may seem like mental illness to one person is totally normal for the next person.  Sometimes the rationale is “it’s just the way I am… deal with it…”  That is a crock.  If the problems are interfering with what might be normal healthy relationships then “it” needs to be addressed.  Whatever “it” is.  And definitions of what “normal healthy relationships” are vary from person to person. Thus, it can become a condition that will go undiagnosed.  Believe me.  I’ve lived it.

Because there is a history of mental problems in my family I’m not going to take “it” very lightly.  Just like my dear friend whose mother has survived breast cancer, she didn’t take it lightly either.  My friend found the lump and realized she had a chance to beat it.

Simply put, I would NEVER put my children through what my dad has put me through.  Ever.  Never.  Never ever.  Like in a hundred million years.  Which means I’ve got to swallow my pride and get the bottom of some things.  It will take professional help.

I’m absolutely kidding myself if I think I can resolve all of this on my own.  Just like cancer needs surgery, chemo and radiation, and diabetes need insulin and dietary changes, mental illness needs more than “it’ll be okay… I’m fine… just a few more days, weeks, years…besides, this is just the way I am and the way it is and well, every one else is just going to have to deal with it because this is just the way I am…”

I thought I had a few more days, weeks, years with my dad.  For years I thought, “that’s just the way he is…I’ll deal with it…”

Other people thought that too.

We were wrong.