so here it is!
I’m about to watch “Avatar” on blu-ray and I wish it was real. I mean, a real place to go and re-discover yourself. But it’s not. So I’m gonna sit in Hoo-vah and do it. That is, re-discover myself.
And btw, if you didn’t know yourself to begin with, how do you RE-discover? discuss amongst yourselves.
Both my kids are beginning new schools for 2010-2011. Which means I’ve been to some meetings, filled out some paperwork and made some decisions that I hope are right. Time will tell.
Autoimmune update: I went down a .5 milligram on my prednisone today. Amazing what that will do to ya. I am completely agitated. Not that you needed to know that. I don’t recommend steroids for stablizing your emotions, but, it will however, control the amount of inflammation in your body so you can function. Gluten free – the way to be. At least for those of us with mental disorders in our genetic history. More on that later.
Posted by Shelley on Apr 15, 2010 in
Mental Illness,
Uncensored Shelley One year ago a series of events led me to my first counseling session. I believe God is an on time God. My counseling needed to happen sooner but instead the one who made me, the one who has the best plan, the one who holds my past, present and future in His hand gave me a reason to go last April. Only a short year ago.
I could tell there were mental processes I had that were not “normal”. And I know, “normal” is simply a setting on a washing machine. But since October of 2008 events were beginning to weave the golden thread that only an omniscient God could sew together. The time had come. The time was now. Shelley Shaw, won’t you please go now (to counseling that is)! You might recognize the rhyme from the Dr. Suess book, Marvin K. Mooney.
It is not necessary for me to blog about circumstances that brought me to that point. I can tell you however that many, many things were beginning to connect. For instance, my childhood long lost friends contacted me on FaceBook. In sequential order. Folks that I thought didn’t matter anymore all of a sudden became top of mind. I found very old diaries, completely on accident. But they became the love letters I had written to myself since the time I was 6 years old and they gave me a picture of why I was the way I was. His loving kindness was ever present. God’s fingerprints were all over my life.
My counselor led me to a book entitled, Changes That Heal: How to Understand your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future. It is a book that set me on a path that was going to become very important by last August. Less than 250 days ago.
My past? Kinda normal. I mean, I guess. When you grow up one way you really don’t know that other ways exist. Right? Until you meet other people, possibly have children and begin a family of your own. There is just not enough blog space to explain how my “roadmap” had been messed up. It still is for that matter. All I can say is something told me to stop passing on the issues. To many, especially Christian believers, this is called “generational bondage”. And I knew it existed in my life but didn’t know what to do about it.
The book is excellent and I highly recommend it. The counselor told me, “The first part of this book is probably not what you need but the second part will get you where you want to be.” The first part of the book addressed bonding. The second part addressed boundaries. And I can honestly say the ENTIRE book was spot on what I needed. Not just one chapter. Not just one paragraph. But the whole book.
You are now officially welcome to join my club, called the “bonding and boundary issues club”. This is not about a mental state. It is not about what color you are, how much money you make or if you have a college ed-u-ma-ca-tion. It is about living in a broken world, accepting it for what it is and figuring out how to make the best of it. Basically, it is not about blaming someone else for your issues. The time has come. The time is now. Grace and acceptance won’t you please come now?
Posted by Shelley on Apr 8, 2010 in
Real Life Stories Originally written on April 10th of last year, here are my thoughts on spending a day at Augusta National. This was day one of the Masters Golf Tourney, 2009.
I never got around to posting it…well…for a lot of reasons…I brought Dad a Master’s golf shirt back from the trip. It was a big deal for me to give it to him. I won’t ever forget that. It was associated with a good memory of my Dad and those are few and far between. Just a short 360 something days ago.
But here it is today. So glad I wrote these things down, too much has happened since last year to remember it all. The significance of a weblog strikes again.
The first thing I noticed was the wooden log bench at each hole, right where everyone would tee off. At every bench there was an igloo cooler. The bench was a lincoln log bench, like it was an original, made years ago. And it probably was. Next I noticed 2 pieces of wood about 8-10 feet away from where you would tee off. And they looked really old too. The “tradition” of the Masters is a strong one, with no digital scoring – the leaderboard is WAY OLD FASHIONED, no advertisements anywhere to speak of and the fact that many people I was hanging out with that day were generational members of a golf mecca that most people only get to see on TV.
I realized then that I was looking at a moment in time that was in every way, trying not to change, year to year.
next was the quietness of a crowd
the beauty of the place
the tradition
the respect
the what the heck am I doing here?
the sounds of the planes above
the hospitality cottage
the restrooms, complete with travel toothbrushes (just in case)
the no phone/camera rule
the irony of us being at an event with a media/technical “blackout” on Mike’s birthday
and I ate a bunch of peanut m&m’s
Posted by Shelley on Mar 29, 2010 in
Real Life Stories,
kids I think most of us would agree that birthdays don’t just last a “day” anymore. Don’t we all celebrate at least 2 or 3 times, maybe more? Between friends, family, work, school, whatever the case may be… there are usual multiple celebrations. I wonder if it’s always been this way? All I know is around here there is generally a birthday week, where we eat, drink and be merry more than once. It’s Melodi’s week this week!
Wow, I’ve managed to keep this blog since 2006 when Melodi was in 1st grade. So, in keeping with the birthday week theme I am going to re-post my thoughts about my precious daughter from years past. No crying allowed, only extra helpings of ice cream 
here is one from September 2, 2006 – never published to the official blog but I found the draft saved after all these years…
Posted by Shelley on Mar 28, 2010 in
Real Life Stories I was on my honeymoon!
We stayed on the “clothing optional” side of the beach. And… the hotel staff went on strike about 3 days into it. Management had to wait tables, etc. and they gave us 3 free nights which was supposed to make up for the rioting outside our door (we used those nights at another time, on another trip back to Grand Lido). And the travel wholesale agency went out of business that same week so our airline tix back home were no good. And an old man died naked on the beach. No, that was our second trip back there a few years later, when we booked the 3 nights for free. ya’ll, I can’t make this stuff up.
Honeymoon. March 1995. Grand Lido, Negril. Awesome.
One day a cricket was minding his own business. The life of a cricket is pretty routine…chirping, eating, chirping, trying not to get eaten, chirping…
But this day was different. Someone needed to feed some lizards back at the pet shop so this cricket had a date with destiny.
He watched as other crickets were picked up and carted away in plastic bags with egg crate looking things in them. He held his breath. “I am just an innocent bystander here, looking for something to eat and now THIS!” How did this happen he wondered? Most definitely the wrong bug time at the wrong bug place.
It was over in a matter of minutes. And there he stood – untouched. No worries. So he thought.
But everytime he went out he had visions of big sneakers and plastic bags and well, he just couldn’t shake it. All I want to do is live peacefully but what do I do with what I witnessed? Where do I put that in my little bug cricket brain, he asked himself?
Other crickets said to him “get over it!” or “it wasn’t you, it was THEM, you’re still here, it’s all good.” He wanted to believe them, really he did. But it was not sinking in. Just too much drama in that one tiny moment of his little cricket life. Now, it was chirp, eat, worry, think, lament, panic, eat, try to sleep, chirp, eat, worry, think, lament, panic…well, you get the picture.
Amazing how one moment in time changes the way you chirp.
Posted by Shelley on Mar 13, 2010 in
Uncensored Shelley Well you didn’t ask for it, but here it is:
I am so grateful for spring break. My kids work harder than I ever did in 5k or 5th grade. And they need a break. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was signing them up for. But it’s spring break and they can be as lazy as they want to be and I won’t say a word about it. Promise.
I am loving all the old furniture in our house. I am sitting in a chair that is at least 50 years old. Old is good. It means it has what it takes to stick around for a while.
The Time Traveler’s Wife is a great movie. It would be great to have the future Shelley come visit with me right now. Although, sometimes I think she already has. Seriously.
The fact that I can have an incredible chat on Facebook with my husband is intriguing, especially when he is sitting less than 3 feet away from me. How is that? Wait. I won’t question it, I will just enjoy it. So there.
I’m very glad it is now and not then. Or even would have been. Right now is better than yesterday. Or tomorrow. It is crazy to think of where I’ve come from, where I’m going. And who might be sitting in these chairs 50 years from now.
Posted by Shelley on Feb 27, 2010 in
Mental Illness,
Uncensored Shelley,
songs the last “real” conversation I had with Dad he told me he just wanted to feel the sun on his face. he’s there. where the streets have no name. and the sun always shines.
I wanna run
I want to hide
I wanna tear down the walls
That hold me tonight
I wanna reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
I want to feel
Sunlight on my face
I see the rain cloud disappearing
Without a trace
I can dance in the pouring rain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We’re still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It’s all I can do
The city’s aflood
And our love turns to rust
We’re beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust
I’ll show you a place
With NO SORROW NO PAIN
Where the streets have no name
I’ll go there with you
It’s all I can do
It’s all we can do
Where the streets have no name
U2
Where the Streets Have No Name
The Joshua Tree – 1987
Posted by Shelley on Feb 22, 2010 in
Real Life Stories So I’m at Publix today, trying to figure out if the www.southernsavers.com has any help to offer me in the way of saving $$$. A friend of mine asked me about this type of thing in December, she asked me to go try it and then “teach” a small group about it… that is, if it worked. Finally in February I had another friend turn me on to the website and give me the 5 minute “how to” lesson. I decided to try it. Today.
The premise is simple: typically we go the pantry, see what we are out of and proceed to make the list. When we do that we are at the mercy of whatever the store wants to price it b/c of the whole demand/supply thing or something like that. Anyway, long story short, when we do this we pay whatever the store wants us to and this website teaches you how to hack the coupon method and therefore, only pay the lowest price available during a 6 week couponing cycle. I think there is something to it b/c I have always thought EVERYTHING is negotiable. The thing is this way you are negotiating the lowest price with the help of a website that does much of the work for you, so you still pay the store the lowest price possible without haggling with the cashier at the checkout.
Really. Never pay full price. I’ve been known to do this at the Kiwanis Christmas tree sale. yeah, the $$$ was for a good cause but I didn’t pay full price. I talked him down $15 on a Christmas tree. Because EVERYTHING really is negotiable. It just depends on how much work you want to do on the front end. Doing the whole, “I read this in consumer digest and here are the best price points on this, or that or whatever…” takes time. Asking the manager “is that the BEST price you can give me???” takes time. And sometimes going to the store and demanding they still honor the warranty even when it’s 355 days later is time. It’s effort. It’s work. But $100 later it doesn’t feel too bad.
The irony is this. I went to the website, did my due diligence, thought to myself, “we are only going to spend $50 on groceries this week, let’s just see if this works…” and I left with a publix receipt that read, ” your savings at Publix, $40.51″. I paid $45.10. Mission accomplished.
When I got out the car, it wouldn’t start. Didn’t turn over. Needed a new battery.
I will spare you the details of how much “time + effort = work” I spent in just trying to make this ONE trip to Publix and testing the $$$ saving method. By the time I left I spent less than $50 and saved $50. Again….mission accomplished.
The problem was trying to leave the parking lot. I guess we got the car battery plenty cheap since the $$$ I saved went directly to purchasing it.
Welcome to my world my friends. I think my entire existence is the definition of “irony.” That’s not all bad, but really, I was trying to save $$$. You would’ve thought I could’ve bask in the whole “I saved $50″ for at least 24 hours. I think I got 24 seconds.
I’ll try this again in a few days.
Unless we run out of everything in the meantime. Or if it snows. Or if the entire economy collapses before I have a chance to try it out again and we begin looting and pillaging. And come to think of it, any of those things *could* happen. Sounds like a whiney song made popular by an even whinier singer in the 1990’s. Don’t cha think???
Posted by Shelley on Feb 12, 2010 in
Uncensored Shelley At this VERY moment:
I think the weather forecast is a bunch of bull.
I think it’s absolutely hilarious to watch Elaine dance on Seinfeld.
I also think it’s interesting that the minute I bring out my laptop Mike puts his away.
I think I’m rather frustrated that my FB app crashed on my iPhone because I have nearly 4,000 pictures stored on it. Guess I really do need to off-load those pics.
I think I’m way overdue to cut and color my hair since I saw a recent picture of myself.
I think it sucks that my vasculitis rash is back b/c I started dosing down my prednisone.
And I think if you’re reading this post and it’s making you uncomfortable then you need to stop reading now.
I think I see my dad driving different cars in Birmingham. I think I see him lots of times throughout the week, in different places and I realize that, well, that’s not him.
I think I’m sadder than I’ve ever been.
I think that I want to go to community college since I began watching the show, “Community” on NBC. Or is it ABC? who cares, you can DVR and skip the commercials.
I think that I’ve made some mistakes and I am not going to correct them.
I think that my daughter is the most incredible person in the whole wide world.
I think it’s amazing what all has happened since October 2008.
I think that 2010 is going to be VERY different than 2009.
I think that skin cancer has really cramped my style here recently.
If you are wondering what I think about anything at this present moment then I hope you have the answer. If not, feel free to comment and I will give you the low down on what I think.
I think that paying someone to listen to your problems is well worth the money.
I think I will do everything differently from now on.
I think it is fascinating that I lose a friend daily, if not weekly on FB. If you’re not into this kind of uncensored stuff then I guess I see why you wouldn’t want to be my friend on facebook. Whatever.
I think arranging flowers is more fun than painting. It may be more expensive but as long as you’re paying for therapy who cares how much flowers cost.
I think I may regret posting all of this by tomorrow morning. If so, I might delete it. However, I might keep it. Because it’s the truth. And maybe that’s why I posted it.